Feeling lonely? Miserable? Depressed?
Well let me tell you something buddy, you’re not alone. I can relate to how you feel (and think a lot of others can too).
Now if you didn’t already know, I’ve been traveling the globe-soaking up knowledge, developing new life skills and working on some pretty fun stuff!
I’ve been feeling PRETTY DAMN GOOD.
But It Wasn’t Always This Way…
Before hitting the road, I left my job, sold my stuff, said goodbye to my bros, broke up with my girl, and ate my last box of my chocolate almonds (insert sad face here).
After letting go, I was left with nothing.
I was absolutely EMPTY and ALONE.
… and as it turns out, I couldn’t stand what I was left with.
(well that’s a lie actually, I had my macbook and was in constant connection with everybody back home; I had tons of love & support from friends & family too. But the whole victim vibe adds to the dramatic effect of the story =P).
So I’ll continue with that.
As I was saying. I completely broke down in China and was ridiculously unhappy,
I Was Depressed!
I started having mini anxiety attacks, got stressed out easily and also started getting dizzy at random (turns out I was forgetting to breathe).
The list goes on…
- I felt overwhelmed by little tasks, and started seeking out instant gratification specifically from junk foods (like Pocky!)
- I started skipping out on workouts / half-assing them (which is a great indicator of self worth issues BTW, because we take care of the things we value, our bodies being one of them)
- I disconnected from the world and hid in a cave; avoiding social events and the possibilities of meeting new people
- I became a student of Couch-Potatoism; the art of numbing yourself out to the world by over-sleeping and excessive movie watching
- I got reeeeeally sloppy too, I stopped returning phone calls and messages, wasn’t following through with the things I said I’d do and procrastinated A LOT.
Then all of a sudden…
I went to the opposite extreme:
- I started getting over ambitious
- Was posting excessively on Facebook (hoping to get a like or two to prove my self-worth)
- Started creating & setting ridiculously lofty goals (to try and get more likes and approval from others)
- Had intense extremes of sexual desires (went from a having a complete lack of sexual desire, to turning into Conan The Destroyer, trying to crush it every single night to fill the void inside).
And after months of agony and pain, I realized that all of the above was a symptom of one simple root problem I had never dealt with or noticed before…
A Lack of Confidence, Low Self-Worth and Low Self-Esteem
Almost destroyed me… So what did I do?
I did what any regular caveman would do…
I googled the crap out of it, and worked day and night to fix my broken sense of self.
Note: I’ll provide the links to the resources that helped me at the end of this post.
I’d like to save you some time, pain, and agony, by sharing what I’ve learned with you (so you can start to feel good again and get your life back on track also).
For just 4 Easy Payments of $29.95 i’ll give you all the answers you need to succeed and also reveal to you all the secrets of the universe (and nothing more). I’ll even throw in a BONUS!
“The Key to Everlasting Joy and Happiness”.
lol just kidding,
I’ll tell you everything for free (because I like you)
8 Ways to Overcome Self-Worth Issues
Here are 8 simple strategies I used to help turn my frown upside-down:
1) Be Kind to Yourself
Years of negative thinking made it hard for you to be kind to yourself. It’s time to change that pattern of thinking.
Every time you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself or your situation, picture a giant STOP sign.
In order to be kind to yourself, you’ll need to interrupt your natural tendency to think harmful, negative thoughts.
Once you switch your mindset to positive, supportive thoughts, you’ll instantly feel good. You’ll be fully present (and enjoy it!).
There is a not-so famous saying…
“It’s hard to be present, when you can’t stand who you are.”
I personally dwell too much on the good & bad times of the past – which haunts me. I also worry and focus too much on the future – it paralyzes me. Suffering from self-worth issues makes it hard to live in the moment.
So we really need to deal with that by being kind and gentle with ourselves.
To reinforce positive thinking, we can do the following…
2) Use Positive Affirmations
Literally tell yourself what you think of you “OUT LOUD”.
(these are called affirmations, and they actually work!)
Self-Esteem means loving yourself, and accepting yourself fully (as you are).
Affirmations are one of the most ridiculous, and bestest ways to reprogram your brain so you can be more kind and gentle with yourself.
Here are some of the positive affirmations I’ve been saying out loud every day (when no one is looking).
I say these every time I think a negative or self-defeating thought.
Say it like you mean it and try your best to believe it!.
“I am loveable just as I am”
“I am perfectly imperfect”
“My needs are important”
“I am a strong and powerful person”
“I can handle it”
“People love and accept me just as I am” (this one is my fav!)
“It is OK to be human and make mistakes.”
“I am the only person I have to please.”
It’s sounds silly. But whatev… i’d rather be silly and happy, than sad and pretending to be ok.
3) Remind Yourself of the Following
- You are not bad
- You don’t have to do anything to win other peoples approval
- You don’t have to hide your perceive flaws or mistakes
- People can love you just as you are.
4) Face Fears Daily
Pick a fear, any fear, and do it. Then, when you’re about to chicken out, repeat the following:
“I can handle it. No matter what happens, I will handle it.”
Say it over and over until it becomes part of your belief system (gotta love affirmations, hey?).
Facing tiny fears can be fun, there are so many things I avoided doing, and since I adopted this, I’ve done a lot of amazzzzing things I normally wouldn’t do!
5) Develop Discipline
Discipline is the act of doing something over and over (even when you don’t feel like it).
It can be anything at all, like doing push ups or reading every morning. Just pick something good, that will support and make you a better person.
Just committing to something alone can instantly boost your self-confidence and self-worth +20 points.
After-all, discipline is the #1 secret of all successful people in our solar system (and maybe one or two others).
Remember/tattoo this somewhere (it’s important),
DISCIPLINE = CONFIDENCE
Here’s my silly little morning ritual right off of my iPhone. I make sure I’m disciplined and follow through with it everyday! (no matter what my excuse is – I’m really good at making excuses BTW)
ps. I write things down, if they aren’t written, they don’t get done
pps. If you can’t write, just enter it into your iPhone (that works too)
6) Start Doing Things for You
You’re more important than you think.
Creating a self-nurturing list. These are the things you LOVE and less of what you don’t. Do this for you, no one else (this is one of those rare moments in history where you get bonus points for being extra selfish).
For me its,
- Browsing books and magazines at Chapters while drinking a hot Green Tea Latte from Starbuckaroo’s
- Going for a walk around around Westwood Lake (my home town in Nanaimo) with some doggies or people I like.
- Listening to motivational audio mp3’s or my favourite music.
- Expressing myself through photos on Instagram, making videos for youtube, or writing here.
- Hitting the gym, or going for a run… Lately, I’ve been playing a lot of tennis!
Ahhh, just thinking about the above brings smiles to my face =)
Once we’ve nurtured ourselves and are satisfied, we can…
7) Be of Service to Someone Else
This helps you take the focus off of you for a while.
But don’t do it because you expect something in return (like someones approval). If you’re doing it for approval it’s probably better to do nothing at all. Do it because you feel like it, without expectations of reward!
I found letting go of my ego and just volunteering to help people out for no reason at all makes me feels reeeeeally good and tingly inside. It’s also a great way to soak up new knowledge (ppl tend to help you when you help them).
8) Transmute Pain and Suffering into Something Good, and Positive
Transmute… what a fancy word.
It’s when you transform something into something else (like water into to Ice , or copper into Gold–more on this in another post).
I learned that feeling your feelings is important, so if you feel hurt or sad, let yourself feel it. Don’t try and block it (like I always do).
Let it run it’s course, and use the pain as fuel for something else.
Turned something that puts you down, into something that puts you up!
side note: contrary to manly training (block everything that hurts you), blocking the flow of feelings will actually depress you.
So instead of blocking feelings, express them in a positive way.
Can you think of a few positive ways you can express your emotions? Write them down.
Focus on your victories, not your losses.
Sometimes I get caught up in all the things I’m doing wrong, but that helps no one. When I stop thinking about all the negatives in my life, and focus on the things I’ve done right, I start to feel a whole lot better!
So think about all the little accomplishments and victories you’ve done in your life that made mama proud!
Like graduating from kindergarden, helping that old lady learn how to blog, etc.
Focus on that and you’ll instantly feel better! Retrain your brain to only think that way, and you’ll forever feel fine.
One More Thing…
Remember life is a work in progress, it’s not perfect and never will be perfect, things take time. So try the above out at a slow-liesurely pace.
While not entirely cured of self worth and self-esteem issues myself, I’m happy to say that I’m a lot clearer on what the right direction is for me. I’m moving in that direction, one step at a time, and I hope you will too for whatever it is you choose do.
I really hope this info helps you out (or anyone else you know that might be having similar challenges). It’s through sharing and caring that we can help others out.
So if you think this info might benefit someone struggling out there, be kind and hit the share buttons below.
And if you have anything else you want to add to this list, please comment below!
Last but not least, here are the links I promised:
(all the resources I’ve been using to overcome my own self-worth issues).
No More Mr. Nice Guy! by Robert A. Glover
Self-Esteem & Peak Performance (Audio CD) by Jack Canfield
Build Your Self Esteem: Hypnosis by Glenn Harrold